There is one person that we all should get to know. Someone we should get really comfortable with being around and spend some serious quality time with. That begs the question: do you really know yourself?
The above sounds all a bit dramatic I know. But trust me there is a good reason to draw attention to the fact that just so many people are not comfortable with themselves. So much so that they will indeed do anything they can to avoid situations where they have to spend time in their own company.
These days avoiding ourselves is just so easy. Literally everything that surrounds us can and indeed does act as distraction. There are whole industries out there that are built on this premise. Just look at any social media. An endless rabbit hole awaits to divert our attention, available at any time and anywhere from the palm of our hand. We don’t have to be physically with someone else to avoid being alone as was the case in times gone by. We can be connected 24/7 if we want to be.
This ability to connect kind of sounds amazing! And yes it is, connecting with others is so important but to become disconnected from who we really are? Is that a good thing? Of course not. This I suppose is the whole question this article is trying to answer – why is spending time with yourself just so important? and alongside that why is that so many people try to avoid this?
Let’s start with the latter first. A big reason has already been alluded to here, distraction. There are no doubt many people out there who would be more than comfortable to spend a whole load of quality time with themselves. But because of the society and the culture in which we live, we simply have not had the opportunity to do so. So distracted with other things have they become.
Now there are of course others who, having spent some time with themselves became so uncomfortable by the experience, they will try anything to avoid having a repeat experience in the future.
So how is that even possible? One would assume that we must all be kind of comfortable with ourselves because you know, you/we are always there. Yes, you would have thought so, but like many things, it’s not that simple. Lots of people just don’t actually like who they are. Or who they believe they have become. Many think that whatever it is that has made them this way is external in nature, that it is irreversible and ultimately over which, they have no control.
There also may be lots of guilt and shame linked to actions and behaviour. Or simply the fact that they don’t like the way in which they look. Again these all being things that they feel that they have no control over. These can be powerful motivators of distraction.
It was me…
It is all very sad. You may ask how I can be so forthright in making these statements. The reason? For many years, this was me. For such a long time I could not bear to be in my own company. Not only did I not like the way that I looked or the type of person I was. But I also was actually afraid of myself, of what I could do. I therefore spent such a long time trying desperately to avoid being with myself. It was a responsibility too great for me to bear.
As I began to deal and come to terms with my mental health issues. Became more and more aware of just how important being comfortable with myself was. And so we come around to answering our first question here.
Firstly we have to be able to rely on ourselves and take responsibility for our own actions. Otherwise we find ourselves in this endless loop of blaming other people and others things. It is a loop that we can be easily lost in and for our mental health that is not good. We can avoid the loop by getting to really know ourselves. When we acknowledge not only our flaws and limitations but also our skills and abilities we really can take that responsibility. We can be more forthright and confident in our actions and know exactly what we can and can’t do.
Secondly we often actually find that we quite like ourselves, as long as we make the effort, of course. It’s the he old adage ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. In the first instance, lots of people will run away from themselves. However given time, we may be surprised by what we find once we get beneath the surface. There are often so many hidden talents and desires just waiting to be uncovered. It just takes effort.
Change your life
In digging deep down We may even find out what our real dreams are or what the thing that really motivates us is.
I recognise that this is not an easy process. And that sometimes things are just hard or seemingly too tough to bear. However, getting to really know ourselves can be one of our greatest opportunities. It can unlock so many door we once believed were locked. This is something that I promise will change your life.