When You Get What You Wanted

white letters on brown wooden table
Photo by Christian Lue on Unsplash

Anxiety can sometimes get you thinking about what you don’t have or haven’t achieved. Only to make you feel like drowning in a perpetual cycle.

But how about when you get what you wanted?

All that catastrophizing, all that gloom, and guilt. What role do they play, now that you have proven them wrong?

So, this is what happened. I got a job in a newspaper. I had been looking for it since August last year. There were many stages that I went through to get here. I started out with the hope that my degree would open doors for me, plus my language skills and with a bit of patience things would happen.

Around November, I got my first interview for a national newspaper. It was an internship but I would have my foot at the door. However, it didn’t work out. The interview didn’t go so well and ended up facing my first defeat, which felt pretty bad.

I kept sending CVs, looking for internships, payable and non-payable, job sites, you name it, I went all over. This was my routine pretty much every day, waking up, telling myself that this could be the day, looking for jobs and applying.

I struck out. Nothing was happening, the less than few responses that I got were all negative and it was getting next to impossible to maintain the hope that a job would eventually come my way.

I tried a different tactic. I started to write articles on my own and pitch them to anyone who would publish them regardless of payment. At this point, I was just looking to have a portfolio and get published.

The long fought road

After a few failed attempts, I wrote a long political article on the rise of the far-right in Portugal and their political program. It was my first political piece, but I was determined in getting it right.

I got a reply from a newspaper that had shown interest in the article, so I sent it, not knowing that this stroke of a key was a lot more than that.

After a few email exchanges and some small edits, I got my first article out and one step closer to calling myself a Journo.

I realized that this was something I could do, be a freelancer. However, I did ask the editor that published my article if there was a way that we could work together.

I waited a few days and got an hour and a place to meet, to discuss a possible ongoing relationship. After a few hours, I got a job offer. Just like that. I was hired for a 12 months internship.

So, what could my anxiety say about this, or better yet what can I say to it? I will say this, Thank you, you provided me with an unsafe road, one where I persevered despite all the bumps you placed my way.

I look forward to observing what kind of tricks my anxiety will create, now that I got a job. I’m sure there will be many. This is what it’s like to live with anxiety, it is full of bumps and tricks, but when you finally get a win, use it.

Remember it, and most of all, remember this was your merit, in this case, my Merit.

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