If you live with anxiety you automatically know what this means. It’s a trap from the past. A creeper just waiting to come back and make you relive a distant memory. But more often than not, it was something that you are embarrassed by.
Remembering and fanatasizing
Also, you may find yourself thinking about what or how you would do things differently if given the chance. If all else fails, at least you create a momentary fantasy where you can feel less de-energized. The moment remains crystallized in your memory bank. By reliving it you feel what you felt back then, plus the anger around it, the frustration and consequently, your energy levels take a very uncomfortable downward spiral.
The fantasy and the embarrassment co-create a narrative that remains and perpetuates itself to no good purpose least of all your mental health. It is unhealthy, like a bad food group on your mental diet. These memories arouse my anger, which is an emotion that is very much present in my forefront of not-so-much restrained feelings and still surprises me how angry I still am about things that happened a long time ago.
Healing in the present – learning from the past
It is hard to talk to my past self and let him know that all is well now. Time can be a healer and these wounds can be mended. My past self needs to understand that I wasn’t there with him to protect and or advise, but I am now.
Nothing will endanger him anymore. He has gone through a lot and he survived his ordeals. I get to be here now and help me acknowledge that despite my self sabotages, I actually deserve to be proud of myself.
Trust is by far one of the hardest concepts to attain by people who have anxiety. I am one of those people. I want to trust and I want to let go and just be in the now, but I am scared. It is the simplest way to describe anxiety. We are afraid but we don’t want to be. How about you?