All my life I have been fearful. As a child, I was afraid of the dark and the imaginary creatures that lived under my bed. I am 20 years old now, meaning most people consider me to be an adult, and yet a lot of those ‘childhood fears’ never really went away. I’m no longer afraid of the dark, nor do I check underneath my bed every night ‘just to be safe’. However, I do live with a constant villain in my mind who has the potential to make me question my entire existence. It can be scary stepping into the unknown.
What if and stepping into the unknown
My name is Sian, and this is my first article for Mental Magazine. Recently, I have found myself obsessing about every single ‘what if?’ you could possibly imagine. What if no one reads my content? What if no one finds it relatable? What if no one likes me? That’s the thing with anxiety – it loves the ‘what if’s’ But what it doesn’t love, is when you finally respond to that ‘what if’.
‘What if I am not good enough?’ I find this sentence on my mind too often. In the past, it has had the potential to overwhelm me and almost drag me into defeat. But I’m challenging it this time. I am here today sharing my gifts with you all. That is the gift of expression despite my doubts and creativity during the chaos.
I first started keeping a diary in 2016, when I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Needless to say, I haven’t stopped writing since! Something as simple as a pen and a piece of paper has been the most comforting items. Living with mental health problems comes with a number of challenges and it’s never smooth-sailing. But I am extremely grateful to be part of this wonderful team of creative people, who like myself, just want to help others.
Challenge those doubts and believe in yourself
At the end of each day, I try to think of at least one thing I am grateful for and one thing I am proud of myself for. Tonight, before I shut my eyes I will be proud of myself for stepping into the unknown. For sharing my truth with the world and challenging all of those doubts.
I hope that if you can take anything at all from this, is to believe in yourself. Be brave and take that leap of faith into the unknown. You never know what blessings may be hiding around the corner.
To all readers, have a wonderful week, enjoy the sunshine and thank you for reading my first article and welcoming me with open arms:)